Monday, January 9, 2012

Before God (and grandchildren) we are all equally wise–and equally foolish…

When the Marine and Sunshine asked me to come out here to help with the lil Prince, I was sure it was because they could see how my experience and wisdom would come in handy. I mean, I had already brought three humans into this world. This wasn’t my first rodeo. I have knowledge and maturity, man.

Yeah, about that.

I am now going to admit in front of God and the blogosphere that this kid has made me realize 
I. Know. Nothing. NOTHING.

When did they start making babies different? He looks like a regular baby, and for the most part he acts like a regular baby, except for the part where he is a genius. What?! But he knows stuff. He knows that the sleep sheep is the best way to fall asleep, not the soothing seascapes CD. He knows if the swing is set to make him sleep or make him laugh, and then he promptly chooses the other. He knows that no one’s chest feels as good as Daddy’s, so don’t bother trying to fool him. He knows the the minute Mommy and Nana are going to attempt to eat dinner, even if he is asleep.

He also knows the exact moment you look away to grab a wipe when you’re changing a diaper. He then uses that split second to pee on you.

Oh, but I anticipated that! Remember the three other babies I have raised? Need I remind you that two of them are boys? (I promised the Girl I would not tell you that she peed on me the most) Hence, I was prepared for this baby. I’ve read up on a few things. Okay, I really didn’t, but I do get 34861126350 mail order catalogs. During my research, I discovered this handy little invention:

peepee teepee

It’s a Peepee Teepee!

I brought a whole set of them. I was going to show these kids a thing or two. I was going to let them know what a hip and resourceful Nana I could be. See, you just place the teepee on the peepee and everything is good. No more sneaky, underhanded, peepee attacks showers.

The lil Prince had other ideas.

I put it on him, with just a touch of swagger for my competency in the diapular department, when all of sudden I saw the teepee thing floating in the air on a stream of pee!

WTF??

Nana didn’t actually say that because there was a baby in the room, but I’m pretty sure she said something that sounds like Hoe Spit!

There is nothing wrong with that boy’s jet stream, that’s for sure. He managed to pee on me, the wall, the window blinds, as well as the top of his head. And if you think holding the teepee down will make it work any better, you would be mistaken. And wet.

Nana did much better in the giving-the-baby-a-bath exercise. Because apparently the rule is, if you get him dirty, you have to clean him.

This kid is going to give me a run for the money.

The good news is, this is all a learning curve for when the Princess gets here in a few weeks. I will be ready for her! Please don’t pee on me.

13 comments:

  1. I think that they pee on those they love the most!! So you are one loved Nana! Carry on!
    Gigi

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  2. hahahaHAAAA! Granny, you were c&^ck-blocked with your pee pee teepee! Too flippin funny. :)

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  3. Hoe Spit? Hmmm, that's a new one!

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  4. Even with all my nephews, that has never happened to me. You got a feisty one there, Dawn!

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  5. I learned fast with my nephews to keep the wet diaper on them until I had the clean one ready because if I didn't they always showered me. Girls are so much easier.

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  6. Fifteen years ago my son's little penis was the most adorable thing in the universe.

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  7. Cracking up here in Baltimore!

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  8. Hahahahah that is amazing! I wish you had a video of that. Good luck Nana!

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  9. Oh I love the Pee Pee Te-pee - I wish I had those when my boys were babies! I always found a wash cloth handy for that diaper changing time!

    Congrats Grandma - so glad all is going well!

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  10. I just recently saw this pee pee tepee thing. It amazes me what they come up with. Would love to see the Shamwow guy try to sell that thing. Or maybe not!

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  11. Peepee teepee...how hilarious is that? Can I tell you that I can't comment on your blog at work? I read it, and then when I click "comment as" to choose my Google account, my stupid work computer does nothing. Of course, there is always something brilliant I want to say, but by the time I get home, I forget.

    I don't have any boys, and I have never had a girl pee on me. My oldest did, however, shoot a turd at me at 2 months of age. Almost 20 years ago, yes, but not the sort of thing you forget. So, is there new stuff with babies in the past 10 years? I mean, Kylie is nine...have I missed much?

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  12. Oh, how hilarious! Like Shelley, I have no experience when it comes to boys thanks to my house of estrogen. I've never had a girl pee on me, but I've heard this is a problem with boys. That is hilarious. He'll be so proud when you tell that story when he's older.

    Congratulations again Dawn, on your new grand babies.

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