When the Marine and Sunshine asked me to come out here to help with the lil Prince, I was sure it was because they could see how my experience and wisdom would come in handy. I mean, I had already brought three humans into this world. This wasn’t my first rodeo. I have knowledge and maturity, man.
Yeah, about that.
I am now going to admit in front of God and the blogosphere that this kid has made me realize
I. Know. Nothing. NOTHING.
When did they start making babies different? He looks like a regular baby, and for the most part he acts like a regular baby, except for the part where he is a genius. What?! But he knows stuff. He knows that the sleep sheep is the best way to fall asleep, not the soothing seascapes CD. He knows if the swing is set to make him sleep or make him laugh, and then he promptly chooses the other. He knows that no one’s chest feels as good as Daddy’s, so don’t bother trying to fool him. He knows the the minute Mommy and Nana are going to attempt to eat dinner, even if he is asleep.
He also knows the exact moment you look away to grab a wipe when you’re changing a diaper. He then uses that split second to pee on you.
Oh, but I anticipated that! Remember the three other babies I have raised? Need I remind you that two of them are boys? (I promised the Girl I would not tell you that she peed on me the most) Hence, I was prepared for this baby. I’ve read up on a few things. Okay, I really didn’t, but I do get 34861126350 mail order catalogs. During my research, I discovered this handy little invention:
It’s a Peepee Teepee!
I brought a whole set of them. I was going to show these kids a thing or two. I was going to let them know what a hip and resourceful Nana I could be. See, you just place the teepee on the peepee and everything is good. No more sneaky, underhanded, peepee
The lil Prince had other ideas.
I put it on him, with just a touch of swagger for my competency in the diapular department, when all of sudden I saw the teepee thing floating in the air on a stream of pee!
Nana didn’t actually say that because there was a baby in the room, but I’m pretty sure she said something that sounds like Hoe Spit!
There is nothing wrong with that boy’s jet stream, that’s for sure. He managed to pee on me, the wall, the window blinds, as well as the top of his head. And if you think holding the teepee down will make it work any better, you would be mistaken. And wet.
Nana did much better in the giving-the-baby-a-bath exercise. Because apparently the rule is, if you get him dirty, you have to clean him.
This kid is going to give me a run for the money.
The good news is, this is all a learning curve for when the Princess gets here in a few weeks. I will be ready for her! Please don’t pee on me.