Thursday, November 10, 2011

It’s not how you pick your nose, it’s where you put the booger that counts…

I have wanted to be a grandma since the first kid of mine left the house. He wasn’t even married yet, but we all knew he would marry his Sunshine one day, so I figured it was only a matter of time. Well, nine years later, here I am, waiting for the phone call to tell me they are at the hospital, giving birth to my grandboy.

While I was in the shower this morning, CGMan was at the sink, shaving and listening to me mumble. He asked what I was talking to myself about. I told him I was practicing nursery rhymes, because it has been a long, long, time since I had to quote one and I wasn’t sure I could remember them. You would think that wanting to be a grandma as bad as I have, I would have stayed current on this stuff. Yeah, I wish I had that thought, too.

He laughed and said I could practice on him. I started out with the one that came to my mind the quickest;

There once was a man from Nantucket…

…when I heard CGMan yelling “NO! No! You can’t use that one. You know better. Don’t you remember Mother Goose? Try some of those.”

So I’m standing there in the shower, trying to remember back to days when I could rattle off nursery rhymes faster than a sailor on a 4 hour pass. Of course, that was way back before empty nest happy hours and menopausal cotton brain. I got sidetracked remembering how thin I was back then, too. Damn Mother Nature. Oh yeah, back to the nursery rhymes.

I was able to remember a only a few:

“Georgie Porgie puddin and pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
he kissed them too,cuz he was gay.”

“Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread”

“There was a little girl
who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good,
she was very good.
When she was bad
she got a fur coat, jewels,
a waterfront condo and a sports car.”

“Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack tripped over the candlestick
Well goodness, gracious, great balls of fire!”

WHAT?!

That’s not how they go?
I told you it had been a while!

CGMan is pretty sure that is NOT how they go and says I am going to be an outcast grandma if I don’t get it right. He’s certain the Marine and Sunshine would not appreciate it if their boy grew up to be that kid, all because of his grandmother.

I’m not worried.
I can learn the boring nursery rhymes. I’ll bet there’s an app for that.

Bring on the grandbabies!

14 comments:

  1. My dad used to say the rhymes 'wrong' like that to see if I noticed, Later on, I paid him back by playing the wrong notes when playing songs on the piano or violin to see if he noticed.

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  2. Yeah, but you would DEFINITELY be that grandbaby's favorite grandma. That might be worth it...

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  3. COME ON GRANDBABIES! I know you are so excited, I am so excited for you! YAY!!

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  4. That might get the little ones first smile, soon to be grandma.LOL

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  5. You are a hoot! When they go to school and recite nursery rhymes, they will tell their teacher that is the way Grandma Dawn taught them.

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  6. Yours are waaaay better!

    I will get my good healthy birth vibes going for you, they are known to work.

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  7. That must have been the thing when we were little because I know so many nursery rhymes it's just nuts!
    I hate that our GRAND's our THAT KID! Cause Reagan told her teacher that she was "hot as hell". Her parents blame "ME" They should look in the mirror!

    I know you are so excited and I am excited for you!! Anytime now your life will change forever for the GOOD!!!!!!
    igig

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  8. Gurrrlll! You are my kinda granny! Let's go to Happy Hour!
    You will do great. No worries!!

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  9. I didn't know lullabys so I used to sing my kids TV show theme songs like Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can...and the Brady Bunch song actually calmed my baby boy down.

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  10. Oh, so funny! My mom couldn't remember any lullabies when my son was born and was up all night long crying. I was crying too...from frustration and now mommy nerves and not knowing what to do to make him go to sleep. Finally, my mom took him and started rocking him and humming. Nothing worked. She started singing different songs. Nothing worked...until she started to sing 99 Bottles of Beer on a Wall. THAT put the kid to sleep. Can you believe it?

    The moral of the story is that you never know WHAT'S going to work for kids.

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  11. Those remind me of the way my mom used to tell nursery rhymes, she (and I) made up songs with our own words to the tune of other songs. I like you and I will be back!

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  12. You are in my reader and I enjoy your posts. This one reminded me of my dad and how he taught me Jack and Jill.

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of booze.
    Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill ran away with his shoes.

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  13. Hi Dawn in DC! Thanks for your visit to my blog today from BBP-land. (I'm Another Unruly-Haired Person.) The "long ginger kitty" you liked is still just a kitten, about 7 months, and he's going to be a big, fat boy. :)

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  14. P.S. Forgot to add: these rhymes are hilarious!

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