Tuesday, November 15, 2011

All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble…

I woke up early this morning, so I could write a blog post. I was feeling optimistic, even though I didn’t have a thing to write about. I would have, if a certain baby boy had made an appearance, but since he didn’t, I was just going to have to give it a shot in the dark. As I was brushing my teeth, CGMan reminded me I was to run him to the airport so he could pick up his rental car for his trip to Pittsburg. I knew I was to do that, but right now? Really? I hadn’t even had my coffee yet. He was all, “Sorry, didn’t I tell you I had to be there by 7? And oh, by the way, can you run me to my office after we get back, so I can do some work before I go?”

Understand, there is no parking at his office, this is why he rides the bus, which must not be running today, you know Tuesday, since he needs me to take him. Fine. And because the busses apparently aren’t running on a random Tuesday, I will need to be available to pick him up. Whenever. At that point, I decide I’m not going to be able to write a blog post today. Because I am a shuttle service. My morning routine of coffee, news, blog reading and blog writing is now a fleeting fantasy.

I skip coffee to get dressed. As I drive him to the airport, he tells me I must go to the rental car return area, aka Garage A, for him to pick up his car. ??? I don’t really believe you pick up a rental car at the return area, but rather than stick a pen in his eye argue, I head that way. At the entrance, I pass a large sign that reads No personal cars in the garage. Rental cars only. He says, “Oh never mind about that, this is where I need to pick up my car.” It might not have occurred to him that the directions for picking up the car, in Garage A, was for people coming in on a flight and the check-in desk was at the top of Garage A. You know, next to the arrivals area. Where is that ballpoint?

After giving him a drop, I head to the exit, where I have to stop at the gate where you show your rental agreement, so you can leave with your rental car. The security woman steps out, glances at what is obviously my really red personal car and gives me that look. You know the one. "WTH?” So I roll down my window, give her my most charming smile and say Yes, this is my car, but my dumb husband told me to pull in here anyway, so he could pick up his rental car. At that, she laughed and winked at me. Then she told me she liked the color of my car and to have a nice day. She must be married. Or gay.

We come home and I wait while he gets ready to go to his office. And wait. Rather than sit at my computer pondering what I might possibly write about since there is nothing newsworthy going on, like a baby’s birth day, I puttered around the kitchen. I was thinking about putting Christmas decorations up tomorrow. I had actually planned on doing it today, but the whole shuttle service thing threw that out of whack. And that was even before I knew about having to go to his office, which is only a mile and a half from here, but let me tell you, there is TRAFFIC in the morning, on that mile and a half. City traffic. Both ways.

Anyway, when I put up decorations, I have a system. It is definitely something that needs to be done with no distractions to disrupt the flow. That’s why I do it when CGMan is out of town. He tells me it’s too early disrupts my flow. We have company coming next week and a Christmas party a couple days after they leave, so it really must be done now. Seriously. Quit snorting. I mean it!

I know you all think I put up Christmas decorations in November because I am that crazy Christmas lady, which is true, but I usually have a legitimate reason. Okay, maybe more justifying than legitimate, but whatever.

Finally, CGMan comes down the stairs and guess what? He is not dressed and ready to go to his office. He has now decided he is not going to go his office. ‘ofiwrane;jefiupftewN’dafv[gtwihbpvo4qnew  That was me, thumping my head on my laptop. He has decided to pack up and head down the road. He trots back up the stairs to get ready (what was he getting ready for all this time??) while I sit here, having had a half a cup of coffee and no blog. He has thrown me so far off my schedule this morning, I’ll be out of whack all day.

Maybe if I have another cup of coffee, I’ll be able to think of something to write about. I head to the kitchen to find the coffee pot empty. Whatever he was doing upstairs all this time, he was drinking all the coffee while doing it. It is probably a very good thing he got out of Dodge when he did. I’m feeling a tad murderous snarky all of a sudden.

You can thank him for today’s lack of a blog post.

Now, excuse me while I go make myself a pot of coffee and don’t put up the Christmas decorations because my flow has been f***ed up.


  1. Sounds like the same old same old to me :) that happens round our place all the time. My life is not my own!!!!!!!

  2. HAhahaha that is hilarious! I love the "and oh by the way..." things in life. Glad you survived without killing him!

  3. Sounds like you need something a tad stronger than coffee...

  4. I feel your pain. Which is why I have a category of blog posts called "evil husbands".

  5. Dawn's Dear Dad,
    I was waiting till 5 or 3 or...hey! lookit! It's close enough!

    Your daughter,
    Dawn in the bottle

  6. Why did no one warn me that LIVING with my husband would be the hardest thing I'll ever do? You'd think SOMEONE would give us the heads up when we're young and idealistic about marriage.

    Sigh. I must start blogging again to tell the story of the now non-working car that is sitting in my driveway, driving down the neighborhood property values. Because HE thought it'd be a good idea to sell it himself instead of trade it in when he bought his new car. IN SEPTEMBER.

  7. Sounds about right to me. And on the early Christmas decoration front, you'll be gone for Christmas dinner, so this way it's like you're having Christmas dinner and Thanksgiving all in one! Hit me up next year and we'll come up with another excuse!-Paulene

  8. GAH! Word verification just ate my post! And my menopausal brain can't remember what I wrote.

    Did I snort that loud?

  9. I do that all the time. Start a blog post by saying I have nothing to write about and 38467567734 words later, I still have nothing to say but a huge, stupid post is there waiting to bore everyone to hell.


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