Thursday, June 16, 2011

Green .2532 acre is the place for me….

I know I haven’t been around much lately. That is because I am now a farmer. And OMG, farmers work hard! They get up long before the sun and work all day in the heat, watching over their crops, protecting them from blackbirds, bunnies, robins and other nefarious creatures who would make the farm their own personal buffet. They weed, water and sow until after the sun goes down.

It’s a good thing I’m a city farmer, because that would just not work for me. I get up around 6:30 or 7, feed the hounds, have a cup of coffee, see what’s going on in the blog world, then head out to my farm.

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My farm has no irrigation system, so this farmer has to stand out there almost every day with her coffee in one hand and the hose in the other. Standing there in pink fuzzy slippers and a powder blue robe, it’s a pretty sight, let me tell you. This morning, it started to rain just as I went out to take a picture of the crops. Figures. I can’t get rain for weeks and the morning I want to crawl around and take pictures. Oh wait, I’m a farmer, I’m supposed to pray for rain.

Here is another difference between real farmers and this particular city farmer, real farmers know that plants GROW. When I planted those little bitty plants, I had no idea they would get SO BIG. I’ve only ever had potted plants. And honestly? They were silk.

It has been quite the surprise for me to go out every morning and wonder what the hell I’m going to do with all these pickles.

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That big plant that I bought from the little shop of horrors used to be 8 cute, teeny little plants. The little sign in the pot said they are pickling cucumbers, which is why I call them pickles. I may be a city girl, but I do know that pickles used to be cucumbers. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe a jars worth of pickles from each plant? Um, not so much.

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From what I read on Google the Farmer’s Almanac, every little yellow flower will be a pickle. And these crazy plants will keep making pickles until they die. In the winter.

That’s the other thing! I figured since I was a farmer, I should maybe learn how to can my own pickles. I mean, how hard can it be? (I swear, someone better put that on my tombstone, because those words will be the death of me)

So I bought a canning pot and 12 jars.

Yeah.

Oh, another thing you need for pickles? Dill. You can’t just use the store bought dill. No, of course not. You have to grow your own.

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I feel a bit like Bubba Gump when I talk about my pickles; we got dill pickles, bread & butter pickles, sweet pickles, garlic pickles, jalapeño pickles, salt pickles, kosher pickles…

I have other plants on my farm, too.

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CGMan picked out this little banana pepper plant at the farm store (otherwise known as the nursery- not to be confused with a baby nursery, which is the kind of store I’ll be hitting in the near future, because that’s what Grandmas do. That and can pickles). I asked him why he wanted a banana pepper plant, he said he likes them. So. I have harvested 5 peppers from this one tiny little plant. How many has CGMan eaten? Zero.

I’m not a pepper person, per se.

You’re welcome.

As I was saying, I don’t know what to do with banana peppers and neither does CGMan, apparently. Any suggestions would be helpful. Just don’t tell me to can them. All 12 of my jars are for pickles.

Guess what these are?

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Brussels sprouts! There are 8 of these cute little guys, too. I don’t know what I was thinking. I buy a pound at a time from the grocery. Did I think each plant would produce a little less than a  pound or so?  Not so much. Here is what I learned about them…

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Yeah. That’s a lot of Brussels sprouts. I mean, I like them and all, but really? I’m seriously thinking major giveaways this year. I know you all would just clamor for a pound or five of Brussels sprouts, right? Please?

Don’t even get me started on the tomatoes! We’ll have to discuss them tomorrow, because they are worthy of their own blog post. Geez.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a row to hoe, or some other farm type thing.

Wordless Wednesday…with some words…

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