Monday, April 25, 2011

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers…

Those of you who have been married for a while might know the sneaky feeling you get during a move.

It starts off like this: there is that old/ugly/smelly/tattered {insert item that belongs to husband} that your husband just will not throw out. You have begged and pleaded to no avail. Once the packing starts, a thought works it’s way to the front of your brain. What would happen if it got lost in the move? It wouldn’t be my fault, right? Stuff gets lost all the time. During the move, you glance about to see if anyone is looking and oops! it just happens to fall in the trash. Oh, the liberation you feel totally overwhelms any lingering guilt there might be for your husband’s most godawful junk prized possession.

Don’t tell me you’ve never done it. If you haven’t, it’s because 1) you’re a newlywed and cannot conceive the notion that your husband would hang on to a pair of ratty, tatty, stinky sneakers because they are the ones in which he scored the winning basket in high school. Twenty-five years ago. 2) because you have never moved and are cursing missed opportunities. 3) Your husband reads this blog and you are lying.

Let me list for you some of the things that have not gotten lost on our moves, of which there have been many; high school letterman jacket that still smells like high school football victories and maybe a hint of maryjaywhanna, various small sized  golf shirts, 273626414 Ohio State baseball caps, several glass balls from an old fishing net, 2 large bags of golf balls that have been fished out of the woods and water hazards, and my personal favorite - a 15lb bowling ball (kept in the hopes that there are bowling alleys in the Caribbean).

In our 15 years of marriage and 4 or 5 moves, a few things may have fallen off the truck. What they might have been, he doesn’t remember and I certainly don’t. Win-win, right?

This time was different.

The one thing (the ONLY thing – I promise!) that “fell off the truck” was the one thing CGMan went looking for. He has been ever so helpful getting the boxes unpacked and getting his own spaces organized. Now I realize he was looking for his hat rack.

He bought this hat rack when he was in Abu Dhabi. It was one of the first things he bought to feather his nest. It had a black solid marble base (heavy!) and a bright gold pole that had been etched with diagonal lines and silver hooks at the top. He would use every hook on the thing for his hats, robe, jeans, shorts, all of it. He has this thing about hanging his pants from the corner of the door, so the hat rack gave him a place to put his pants at the end of the day. You know, instead of putting them in the laundry hamper or something. What? I’m just sayin.

I kinda thought it was ugly not suited to the style of his office – somber retired military officer. So when the unscrupulous thought came into my head that he wouldn’t notice if it went missing, it went missing.

He asked me about it the other night at dinner and I had to look him right in the eye and tell him the truth. Because for whatever devious  wifely things I may have done in the past (or may do in the future) I do not lie to him. Dammit. It would have been so easy to say, “I saw them pack it, I don’t know what happened to it” or blame it on the Skater, who, poor kid, gets blamed for any missing tool in the shed (even the ones that are right there in front of GCMan the whole time).

I apologized profusely. Honestly, I really did feel bad when I realized how much he liked it. So I apologized again. He was gracious and said that he would get over it.

This is where the good marriage comes in.

He forgave me.

Then he told me I was to remember this the next time he effed up. Which he figured to be soon, since it’s been a while. (This insight comes from having been married for many years.)

I took what he said to heart. Yesterday on the golf course, he received a few text messages from me, as I was going through the last few boxes from the office:


He does love this. Go figure.


  1. Generally, I don't make comment on marital issues. Let's just say I'm a minimalist and the Little Woman is not.

  2. Ugh. The Man STILL hasn't forgiven me for throwing away a teeny tiny t-shirt from a long ago Rush concert. That thing didn't fit him when I got rid of it, and that was 13 years and 50 pounds ago. LET IT GO. The memory of the concert is still in your head, right???

  3. Oh man J is such a packrat. I can see this happening to us in the near futures.

  4. I am not a pack rat and have very few things that I purchase for myself as a remembrance of somewhere I've been. This was a unique, ornate, and yes gaudy, middle eastern piece that I found in a shop in Al Ain, UAE. The memory of this purchase will surely fade as I no longer have anything to remind me. For Pete's sake, what kind of stories will I have to tell my grandchildren.

  5. Not a pack rat?!? Oh, I beg to differ.

    Did you save all the free plastic stuff they sent home from the hospital when you had your surgery? How many extra pieces do you have to your C-pap machine that don't fit you? Was your first instinct to keep the label maker that you haven't used in 15 years? How many sets of golf clubs do you own? How many do you need? How many triangular highlighter pens do you have from trade shows? Lanyards? Coffee cups? How many tents have we ammassed in the few years that we camped once a year? The last time being seven years ago?
    I rest my case.

  6. As a professional in the trial department, after reading Dawn's closing argument, I have to vote to convict CG Man. But his sentence is having to pack Dawn on the next to knock whatever he wants off the truck!

  7. I confess of committing the crime of making my husband look good by throwing out those wind shorts that are WAYYY too short. We only want the best for our loved ones!

  8. I am so guilty here of getting rid of stuff. HMM Like when My husband was deployed I got rid of a tent that belonged to him and his ex....I mean after all they slept in it together and well I was not ever going camping in the tent that he had with her right? So last summer he wanted to take the boys camping and searched and searched for his tent in the garage..apparently it was a very very expensive tent. I had got rid of it in 2005 and well look it was 2010 and he had not noticed before right??? I mean don't tents get dry rotted or something? I mean after all we have been together for 13 years now. HMM maybe I could blame it on the fact that I was pregnant in 2005 and hormornal and threw out that dang tent. OOHH and I will confess I threw out all his tube socks and wind breaker looking short shorts that he exercised in. I replaced them with new fancy under armour workout clothes...that counts for something right??? OH and I let him keep his stuff from when he was in college at VMI....I so want that space in the closet but I know if I get rid of those uniforms...well that would be a deal breaker. I kind of keep hoping for a moth infestions or something.....just saying.

  9. Sometimes things get moved to the basement as a prelude to falling off the truck.


I would love to hear what you have to say!

If you don't have a website but want to choose a username instead of "anonymous" click Name/URL (the URL is optional)