Monday, August 30, 2010

When you just can’t get enough of cute dogs….

Stop by this site to see a new cartoon every day. If you think you’re ready to enhance your life with a dog, visit their breed rescue partner sites and help a hound find a home.


 

 

Visit Draw the Dog to see more dog cartoons like this.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

It pays to read the back of the box…

Yesterday I did some retail therapy to help get over my PTSD of having a scorpion walk across my living room rug. The only thing of interest that I bought was this:

IMG_4108

We love jigsaw puzzles. As a family, we have put together many. We like the ones that are cartoons and funny. Without pointing fingers, one of us (Skater) (What? I didn’t point!) even worked on one for the whole month he was grounded, given that he had nothing else in his life to do, except homework and taking out the trash. Good times.

Since CGMan and I are both stay-at-homes for the time being, I thought it would be nice to work on a puzzle together. Especially since the traitor cat went to live with Skater, we won’t have to worry about missing pieces. It’s been known to happen. Just when we’re drawing straws to see who has to check the litter box, we would find the piece on the floor, or in the kitchen, next to the food bowl.

I was so excited, I opened it right away to get started.

IMG_4104 

It was shortly after that, CGMan walked in and took a look at the box. He asked me, “Did you know the picture on the box isn’t what the puzzle looks like?” I was all, “Of course it is, silly. That’s how puzzles work.”  He was like, “No, really.” Apparently, in my excitement to get a new puzzle, I overlooked what it said on the back:

Instructions

 

Swell.

Guess what you’ll be looking at for the next few Wednesdays? BHAAAH!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Wordless Wednesday….NOT

Today is Wednesday. I like Wordless Wednesday because even when I’m in a writing slump, I can usually whip out a picture or two of my fabulously attractive dogs and call it a day. I had every intention of doing that today, but I have PTSD and just can’t think of cute, silly pictures right now.

You see, last night, I was sitting on my recliner with my phat Phoebe, when she jumped up and lunged off the chair at something she saw on the floor. Just about the time she landed near it, I saw that it was a scorpion. A big one. Just strolling along my living room rug! Because Phoebe was interested in something walking along the floor, Zoe was instantly interested, too. I didn’t want them messing with it, so I screamed, which woke up caused CGMan to leap off his chair, with no shoes on, scattering the dogs and giving the scorpion a chance to get away. He finally found it as it was walking out from the opposite end of the coffee table. A hefty man-sized TWAP! with a size 11 flip flop was all it took to kill the bastard. But I wasn’t convinced, so I had him TWAP! it again.

After checking to make sure it hadn’t brought the family, CGMan assured me there were no more and that it was safe to get off my chair. He did wonder, though, how it got in. I’ve been told they can pick the lock. (I’ve just realized the last big scorpion scare happened on Tuesday, as well. I think we need to cancel Tuesdays)

I. Hate. Scorpions.

Because I now have PTSD, I am going to therapy today. Retail therapy. Now that all the children are back in school, I can shop in relative peace and quiet. Hallelujah. No more ill-behaved children being allowed to run willy nilly through the store, while disinterested parents continue to cajole and plead for them come try on this pair of pants. I say leave the kids at home with dad, do all the shopping, take it home and say, “This is what you’re wearing to school this year. Period” It worked for me.

For those of you who tune in only on Wednesdays to see what charming picture I might post, your trip has not been wasted.

LapDog PhatLapDog

Thursday, August 19, 2010

A woman with an obsession is a woman who has very little sales resistance…

I know there are women who have a lot of shoes (I’m looking at you, Scottish Woman). I love shoes, too. Sort of. I like looking at shoes and maybe even trying on some shoes. But I really don’t like to wear shoes. And I simply cannot walk in high heeled shoes, no matter how pretty they look on my feet in the store. Oh, I envy the women with shapely feet and strong calves to be able to wear the beautiful peep-toe shoes. *sigh*

Give me a pair of flip flops in the summer and a pair Crocs in the winter and I am good to go. Hey, I live in Texas, I don’t need any more shoe than that for winter. I think I only own one pair of socks, and those are for emergencies, like when I have to put on my rainboots and slosh through the back yard on poop patrol. (Yes, in a sad economic downturn, we had to let the pooper scooper go) And don’t think for a minute I’m actually picking up the poop. I’m just showing CGMan where it is. What? We each have our jobs.

I also own only one purse. When it wears out, I will hunt like mad for weeks, searching out the perfect replacement. I cannot buy just any old purse, because I will be carrying it until it, too, falls apart. It can’t be an old lady purse. And it can’t be a big, huge purse. And it has to be leather, but not purple leather. Oh, and the biggest deal breaker on a purse is that middle zipper pocket inside. What the hell is that for? I can’t stand it. So any purse that looks like it might be “the one” is checked first for that annoying zipper thing that separates the interior of the purse into two useless halves.

It is very easy for me to walk right on past purses and shoes. I am not swayed.

However, I am a woman. I am not without vices. I’ve been known to throw caution to the wind and purchase a thing for which I have little need. Some women have one, while most don’t have any at all. It’s something I find just so alluring and feminine, sometimes I think I want them all!

I am positively giddy when I see new styles. I have to limit myself to just one, on any given outing. Otherwise I believe I would have far more than I would ever use. When I find the perfect one, I feel so pretty and girly. I can’t wait to get home and put it on. I feel like there isn’t anything I can’t do. My husband forgives my little indulgences, because he knows when I wear one, he wins. He thinks they’re sexy.

I know some girls go for the frilly ones, ones that look like a French maid, or even the ones with fur on them, but not me. I wear one that can withstand the punishment I put it through. When I wear it, I mean business. Contrary to what my husband thinks, I don’t wear them just to turn him on (that’s a bonus) I wear them for a purpose, to get the job done. And when I do wear one? There is always a happy ending.

This must be how it feels to be able to buy, and wear, fabulous shoes. Perfect shoes. Shoes that make you feel so pretty, that you can do anything! Perfectly fabulous shoes, with a matching purse! OMG! Is that perfection? Doesn’t that just set your senses to tingling? However, I’m not talking about shoes. Or purses. For me, my guilty pleasure, and the object of my husband’s desire, is….

 

 Lasagna chicken tetrazzini shrimp low boil rum cake omelettepork loin with red wine BBQ Texas style pecan piepumpkin pie  Buckeye candy Christmas cookies! shrimp on the barbie chicken pot pieitalian rustic soupHappy Hour! 

 

…the apron, of course!

What were you thinking?

*Scroll over the pictures to see all the wonderful things I do in my aprons.

Monday, August 16, 2010

It was just one of those days…

Don’t you hate it when you innocently carry a shipping box out to the trash can and come back in to find a snake on your kitchen floor? Then you have to backpedal out the door as fast as you can, trying not to trip down the stairs.

After sitting on the patio for 10 minutes, waiting for your heart rate to come back down from heart attack range, you think about how fast the snake got into your kitchen. So you think to yourself that you’d better get in there, because if he’s that fast, he’s likely to hide somewhere in the house and then you wouldn’t know where he was. Ever.

Fighting down the panic that thought ensues, you head back up the stairs to the back door, damning the fact that your cell phone is on the kitchen table and you can’t call for back-up. As you peer through the doorway, you notice the snake is still there, in the same spot, and you wonder why, given all the hysterical noise that had been going on only moments before.

You take a cautious step forward. The snake doesn’t move. That’s when you realize that it is not a snake at all, but rather a piece of squiggly packaging material that had apparently fallen out of the shipping box on the way to the trash. You are thankful to the powers that be that you didn’t have a real heart attack over a not real snake.

Don’t you just hate when crap like that happens?

 

ecosnake

Monday, August 9, 2010

So much of life is determined by pure randomness…

I know I haven’t been around much in the last week. It’s just that I haven’t really had any one thing to write about, just a smattering of random happenings and musings. It’s the middle of summer in Texas and we’ve finally hit the triple digit temperatures. What that means is, everything pretty much comes to a standstill because it’s just too freakin hot to do anything. Not a lot of excitement when the heat index is 107.

Rather than have you think I dried up on the sidewalk like Abu Dhabi slugs, I will share with you some of the randomness that is my life. That is  what you come here for, right?

* CGMan was verbally offered two jobs. After several months of searching, that’s good news. That was also a month ago. Neither of them have put anything in writing.They keep telling us it will happen, we just have to wait. Unfortunately, while we “wait” we can’t look for a new house because we don’t know for sure where we are moving. For the same reason, we can’t put this house on the market. We would like to be able to tell people that we’re moving, but we just don’t know for sure. I believe that if you don’t have it in writing, you don’t have anything. So we’ll just wait. Let me tell you, limbo is only fun when you’re drunk and think you can dance.

* With the thought of an impending move, I have been busy purging. There is nothing like the thought of moving that makes you wonder why you hang on to so much crap stuff. There have been some interesting conversations about the validity of keeping a bowling ball that hasn’t been used in 14 years. This ball even moved to Trinidad with us. There are no bowling alleys in Trinidad. I can say for certain, the bowling ball is not moving with us this time.

* I have been able to have some paint therapy as I finished up the two rooms that hadn’t been painted. This house came with a plain, vanilla, flat paint. I like color, and I love to paint, so have spent the last four years painting this house. And now I am finished. I guess it is time for a new canvas.

* Skater found the snake that had been lost in his apartment for the last two and a half weeks.  Um? yay?

* CGMan and I went to an outdoor concert last week. This is one of the reasons we love Austin so. They have free concerts in the park and you can bring a picnic, your kids, your dog, but you’re not supposed to bring wine. We didn’t bring a picnic because Salt Lick had a tent with the best BBQ in Austin. We didn’t bring our kids because they’re all grown up and we can’t make them hang with us like we could when they were little and scared of us. And we didn’t bring our dogs because sometimes we need a break from them (remember, we’re both stay-at-homes right now). Wine, what wine? But we had a great time looking at other people’s dogs and grandbabies. There was even a group from San Francisco, stopping every now and then to play for the crowd. They were quite good, so we bought their cd. 

 Zilker Park  austinites

random dog   IMG_0844

 

* Last, but not least, I found that if I make a new recipe for banana pancakes and they turn out crappy, CGMan will take me out to breakfast where I can have a fresh asparagus-tomato omelet with asiago cream sauce and little red potatoes. And a bloody mary.

So I don’t feel alone in my little limbo land, tell me of the randomness that is in your life…

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Oh, she’s a mother alright….

Dear Mother Nature,

Why won’t you let me sleep? Why are you always messing with me?

First, it was teenage hormones keeping me up all night, worrying about boys and what to wear to prom.

Then it was motherhood. Tell me again why you can’t make babies that sleep all night?

And teenagers. What’s up with that? If you know of any mom who got a full night’s sleep while there were teenagers under her roof, I’d like to meet her.

I won’t mention the sleepless nights while the Marine was serving in Iraq, although I’m pretty sure you’re to blame for that, too.

After 25 years of raising kids, you would think my reward would be to get a full night’s sleep. What is with you, Mother Nature? Why do you continue to torment me?

If it’s not hot flashes waking me in the night, it’s having to pee every 3 hours. Oh, and then you throw in the occasional insomnia, when I don’t even get the luxury of falling asleep at all.

What have I done to make you hate me so?

I’m sure a lot of people see you as a perfectly lovely woman. The one who makes the world a beautiful place.

motherNature

But this morning, after yet another night of night sweats and premenopausal mood swings… I’m thinking you’re kind of a bitch.

devil_woman_151345

Signed,

Sleepless in Suburbia