Thursday, February 25, 2010

Let the gentle giants roam the earth…

I may have mentioned a time or ten that I love dogs. I believe I would have more than two dogs, if I lived in a kingdom and I were queen, instead of in a democracy where my husband has an equal vote. How am I ever supposed to win, if I can never get a majority?

So rather then run out to the pound every week to bring home dogs, I read about them. There are always interesting stories about dogs. I especially like the ones where the dog has recued a family member or hunted down peanuts at school. The only peanuts my dogs hunt down are the ones that fell in the sofa cushions.

It was the past week I read an article about Giant George, from Tucson, AZ, who was recently entered into the Guinness Book of World Records as the Tallest Living Dog and the Tallest Dog Ever.

giant-george-great-dane-1 

He is 7 feet long and weighs 245 pounds!  That is some lotta dog!

He sleeps on his own queen sized bed and eats over 100 pounds of food a month. He was a guest on Oprah and got to fly to Chicago. He was too big for first class, so got the three seats on the bulkhead in coach. As you can imagine, he caused quite a stir at the airport.

If you would like to read more about George, he has a webpage here and he’s on Facebook.

He looks like a lot of fun.

And as soon as I’m queen, I am so getting one!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

What the hell?!… Wednesday…

This actually occurred yesterday, which was Tuesday, but I didn’t want to cut into the Skater’s birthday wishes. So what the hell??  I was pretty sure there was not supposed to be snow in Austin. Luckily, it was only a little bit. A little bit is pretty, but I’m not going to venture further with any show of affection, lest I get jinxed by a blizzard. I really do believe in that “be careful what you wish for” karma.

So here is my recap of Snowday Tuesday. On Wordless Wednesday.

IMG_3202IMG_3206mysnowman    IMG_3204 

Snowman from Dawn Custer on Vimeo.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

A boy is a magical creature…

See this baby? Cute, isn’t he? That’s my baby.

Maybe I should say, That’s my baby.

babyken

Yeah, he turned 20 today!

Apparently, he forgot the part where he promised me he would stay my little boy forever. It’s amazing how three children can be so different from one another. I’ve heard from other mothers that the youngest, the babies, are usually a lot of fun. I do have to admit, over the last 20 years…never a dull moment.

aquaken

  studlyken

yoyoken

 

clothespinken 

daddyken

creativeken

comicken

scubaken 

sharkbaitken  carnivalken

aidsawarenessken

skaterken

bestmanken

momsbestfriendken

I’m not worried about him, though. He knows all the things important to get by on his own. According to the Marine, every man needs to know how to fight, how to cook and how to golf.

 

kickassken

cookinken

puttingken

 

 

     Happy Birthday, Skater!

I love you.

Monday, February 22, 2010

The winning never ends….

I got so excited over the results of the ominous contest, that I totally forgot about the Westminster Dog Show.

I’m sure you’ve been on the edge of your seats watching the Olympics. Well, let me tell you! The second half of the dog show was quite exciting indeed. We were breathless as we watched the judge scrutinizing each and every dog on his or her best merits.

This beauty seemed a shoo-in after the bathing suit competition:

swimsuitissue

It became a race too close to call when this darling gave such a compelling interview:

beautyANDbrains

 

“What do you want to do in life?”

Well, first, I would like to chase all the squirrels out of Texas. They’re annoying and break into the bird feeders. I believe they would be happier living in Oklahoma. And then, I would like to spread biscuits and happiness to all my fellow canines. I believe there should be a dog in every home. Maybe even two.

 

 

 

 

Every dog had a good showing. It was wonderful to see so many beautiful canines. But ultimately, the night was won by the foreign beauty. Who can resist the allure of a sexy Scottish accent and long, lovely eyelashes? The judge was enamored with Miss Sadie, and awarded her Best of Show 2010. Well done, Sadie, well done.

westminster-dog-show-2010-results

My girls are already anticipating next year’s competition, when it will be a whole new dog game.

Friday, February 19, 2010

And the winner is….

For all you wordsmiths out there who have been wondering about the contest I entered, the results are finally in. It was a simple contest (with no math!) about creative writing, using only 25 words and the word “ominous”.

The contest was judged by my aunt’s teacher friends. I’m told it was quite a prestigious panel. She has withheld their names to keep the losers from stalking so she can use them again in the future. She also mentioned there was a tie until the last judge put in her vote.

Since there were only seven entries, and because I have nothing else to write about today, I’m going to share them with you.

Please feel free to let us know which one you like.

A)  Holiday time…Ah no bakes! cut outs! peanut butter kiss! buckeyes! lemon wreaths! snickerdoodles! nut rolls! chocolate chips! gingerbread! coconut! Ominous is the muffin top.

B)  The skydiving executive somersaulted to impress the young office honey below, then grasping the parachute actuator spied it bore fresh lettering: “YOU CHEATING PIG.” Ominous.

C)  Feverishly, she took the casino’s monumental hand paid jackpot, then noticed the ominous faces of the approaching security team. The scam isn’t going as planned.

D)  I am a gal with two dogs
they like to play and chew clogs
it’s quite ominous
that one is abdominous
maybe she’d do better to jog

E)  She opens a door to a room once filled with her sister’s voice.
Bulletin board animals stare in silence.
Again…loneliness rears its ominous head.

F)
Omnipresent January
Manipulating our weather
Intrusive to everyone and everything 
Negative temperatures grip us
Outdoor activities halted
Unfulfilled summertime fantasies remembered
Sunshine abounds!

G) It was a dark and ominous night; where the now fell softly, not like the heavy snow of the Midwest that was hard to shovel…

 

The esteemed panel of judges picked E. I liked them all and am just glad I didn’t have to choose my favorite. 

My aunt now wants one of us to choose the next contest. I have something in mind, but need to work out the details. When I do, of course, I will post it here so you can all join in. I can guarantee there will be no math.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Paging Dr. Welby…

When I was a kid, I set benchmarks to let me know when I would be old. I knew I would be old in the year 2000, because that was such a long way off, right? I also knew I would be old when I got gray hair, because only old people have gray hair. If I had any children (I was hoping for 8 back then), when they all grew up, I would be old, because it would take a long time to raise 8 kids. If I ever had to wear glasses, specifically bifocals, I would be old. Only old people wore bifocals, that’s why they’re called granny glasses.

Well, here we are, dammit. The year 2000 came and went a decade ago. I’ve had gray hair for so long Miss Clairol and I are best friends. My three children are all grown up and gone (and it really didn’t seem to take long enough). And yesterday? I was told I need progressive lenses. Which is a fancy new word for bifocals. It’s official, I’m old.

Another benchmark was doctors. They were always nice, older men who looked like they had been doctors for so long, there wasn’t anything they couldn't diagnose. They put you at ease, because they had seen it all. They always had the best advice, since they had used the tried and true for years. One could feel comfortable in their knowledge. You could never be older than the doctor, right?

Dr.Welby

 

Could somebody please tell me when they started letting teenagers practice medicine?

The eye doctor yesterday had to have been all of 25 years old. She starts in with the “as we get older, we need to check regularly for glaucoma, blahblahblah” All I could focus on was we. She hasn’t even started yet!

A few weeks ago, I went for my annual woman exam. The nurse, all of 12, had me get on the scale and be measured. Her exact words, “Oh good! You haven’t started shrinking yet” Excuse me? Only old people shrink. Then I’m in the exam room, waiting for the hoo-ha doctor to come in. When she does, it looks like she got her braces off last week! She starts asking me about hot flashes (yes!) and mood swings (duh, have you ever met a hot flash? That’s enough to swing even Richard Simmons's mood) and general old people aches and pains. She suggests calcium supplements because older women lose calcium. Hello?? Not old! Even if I did use to babysit you.

Please, where are all the old doctors? The ones with the wizened faces and had all the answers? Did they all retire in the same year, leaving the practice of medicine to boy scouts and candy stripers? In the whole of the doctors office, the only person who looked over the age of 30 was me.

The good news? Even though I’m a decade older than old, color washed redhead, with grown children, wearing granny glasses…I haven’t started to shrink.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Best in show…

A few of you mentioned wanting to know what those crazy dogs of mine have been up to. Okay, one of you mentioned it, but still.

Last night we settled into the recliners to watch our favorite show.
 indadschair

The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.

IMG_3124 IMG_3108 IMG_3109 IMG_3115

 

The girls were quick to pick out their favorites in the Hound Group. Zoe is pretty sure she’s related to a Whippet. The Whippet won the hound group, as Zoe knew she would.

We pretty much skimmed over the Toy group, because, well, they’re just stupid. They’re little and fluffy and yappy. High maintenance for such little dogs. There was one that we particularly liked:


Chihuahua

The short-haired Chihuahua was quite a little character. When we went to the pound to pick a dog, this is kind of what I was looking for. I ended up with Zoe, the Whippet wannabe. A little lot bigger, but still a character.

 

 

 

 

 

Speaking of Zoe, she had a special interest in this fellow here. She never lived in Trinidad with us, but I still play the Caribbean music all the time, so it doesn’t surprise me at all that she would fall for the Rasta man:

IMG_3154 IMG_3153

Like I said, we just skimmed over the Toy group. The girls were most interested in the Non-Working group, because, well…that’s us in a nutshell. The Non-Working Group. I don’t know that I would have been able to hold their interest until our group came on if it weren’t for the commercials.

pugdentures muttdentures

Finally it was time for the Non-Working Group. While there are plenty of dogs who don’t work, there was only one we were interested in:

bulldogbeauty

Oh, she was the darling! As they were making their run down and back, the handler was squeaking a little toy. It was too cute to see little Ms. Bulldog jumping and looking excited. Of course, she was our favorite to win the group.

Before the show started and during breaks, it was mentioned that these are regular dogs, people’s pets. They live in the home and do what other “normal” dogs do. Yeah, I’m not seeing it:

IMG_3165

IMG_3105

 

It was time for the judging of the deadbeat Non-Working dogs. The tension was palpable in the room as we waited to see if our dog would win. How could she not? Look at this face!

missbulldog couldabeenacontender

Look at this form!

IMG_3161 jennycraig

But alas, it was not to be. Our beautiful bulldog took third in the lay-on-the-couch-and-sleep-all-day group. Here is the winner and the dog who will go on to compete for Best of Show:

IMG_3170

 

Well, at least it’s  a bulldog, even if it is a French one. Personally? I don’t see what this little Parisian poop machine has over the beautiful bulldog, but whatever. I’m a good sport, right?

 

 

 

 

 

IMG_3104

 

I would totally have entered this blue ribbon beauty if they didn’t have, you know, rules. Rules that say something about papers and lineage, blahblahblah. Oh, and you also have to win more than the Diamonds in the Ruff contest at the local dog park.

 

 

 

 

In the interest of good sportsmanship and the fact that we will not be working, the girls and I will be watching the other half of the dog show. We will root for the little French pipsqueak Bulldog to win best of show. Because any bulldog is better than no bulldog. Right, Phoebe?

Monday, February 15, 2010

For the love of the internet…

If I didn’t love the internet so much, I would toss my computer right out the window. It’s amazing to me how I’ve come to rely on my laptop for so much entertainment.

It wasn’t until last week, when it started acting funny and I had to take it to the Geek place, that I realized how attached I really was. The first Geek I spoke to didn’t think anything was wrong with it, given my description of, “Um, the little thingy that usually shows it’s loading, isn’t. And when I tried to do that thing where you turn it off and turn it back on, it wouldn’t”. But when he tried it, it wasn’t and it didn’t. So it had to be admitted.

I was fine with that, especially since I had a warranty on it. So I was all, “See you tomorrow” and the Geek giggled a little when he said no, it would be six days. WHAT?! Six days without my constant companion? How would I check blogs and emails and stuff? And Facebook?? What would all my friends think if they didn’t see my witty banter every day? My blog? How would I let my readers know what the dogs are doing every day?

Luckily, I have one of those ancient desktop models in the computer room. I wasn’t totally without internet. But, OMG is it slow compared to the lightning fast laptop. I was in agony as it would gather its thoughts in what can only be described as the grandmother board, before it would finally bring up the happenings on Facebook and what have you.

It was just too much for me. So I chose to spend that time away from the computer. After the first day of withdrawals, I began to look around for other, non-internet stuff to do. You would think I would have repainted the bedroom like I wanted, or cleaned the house like it needed or some other worthy pursuit. But, let’s just admit that I didn’t and move on.  I did read two books and watched 2 seasons of “Friends”. I became a patron of the arts. Sort of.

I did, however, have one person out of the thousands hundreds ten people who read my blog, call to ask if I was okay. It’s nice to be missed.

My trusty laptop was returned to me on Friday with a brand new hard drive. For anyone who has had this happen, you know what I did all weekend. That’s right, I had to put all my stuff back on it. What a pain in the ass.

Because I keep pretty much the same information on both computers, I had to learn how to export all my contacts and other whatnot from the ancient computer, and then how to import all of it onto the laptop. Not that I mind learning something new, but for the love of Pete it was boring!

Don’t even get me started on the iPhone. That was the biggest pain, because I never said “yes” when it asked me if I wanted to back it up. Here’s a tip: Do that! Luckily, I didn’t have anything more than a few apps (Scrabble!) and my calendar, so it was just a matter of redownloading (Blogger says this is not a word, but it should be, given the propensity of people who don’t back stuff up) eleventy hundred of those.

But finally, I am finished.

I tell you all that, just so I can tell you this:   I’M BACK!   Did you miss me?

Anyone? Beuller?…

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Did you know…?

…the average American eats 28 pounds of bananas a year?

…about 1,500 New York residents are bitten every year…by other New Yorkers?

…chewing gum can help improve your memory?

…you cannot burp in space?

…that a part-time bandleader is called a semi-conductor? bahahaha! (see how I threw a little joke in there?)

… the Warner Brothers are named Harry, Albert, Sam and Jack?

…the average American uses about 57 sheets of toilet paper a day?

…Clark Gable was listed on his birth certificate as a girl?

…Sean Connery has a tattoo that say “Mum and Dad”?

…that Dawn in Austin has three kids, who have a total of 11 tattoos and not one of them says “Mom”?

…that a group of hares is called a down? A group of hairs is called a wig.
(see that? I snuck in another joke.)

…that the temperature of milk inside the cow is 101°F?

…the bottom of the Grand Canyon is above sea level?

…that my laptop is in the hospital and won’t be home for a week and I am reduced to sitting in the cold computer room to use the ancient desktop PC?

Friday, February 5, 2010

Identity issues…

Parrot-in-a-bird-bath

 

 

  <—This is a bird.

 

 

 

 

birdbath_large

 

 

                     This is a bird –>

 

 

 

 

Birdbath Robin

 

 

 

  <—This is also a bird.

 

 

 

 

 

IMG_3105

                                                 ^  This is NOT a bird.  ^

Even with her “diverse lineage” (read: mutt)  I am fairly certain she’s not even a bird dog.

Clearly we have some issues.