Thursday, June 10, 2010

Things I just don’t understand…

There are so many mysteries in life. It’s not for us to understand them all, I get that. But there are some things that just shouldn’t be so mystifying.

Paper towel dispensers
I don’t understand why they changed the paper towel dispensers. What was wrong with the ones where you crank the handle to get your paper towel out? Have you seen the new ones? Where the towels stick out of the bottom and you’re to “pull straight down”? Yeah, when I do that, I pull out 6 feet of paper towels. I can never get just enough to wipe my hands dry. I always seem to pull out enough to dry my car. I don’t see how that is more economical.

Getting out of the car
When I get to where I’m going, I park the car and get out. There really isn’t anything more to it than that. Open the door, grab purse, step out, close door. Can someone please tell my what my husband is doing in there that takes 5 minutes?? We get to where we’re going, I jump out and head to the store, I look back and he’s still in the car. So I wait. and wait. and wait some more, wondering if he is having trouble with his lipstick or something. I mean, what is he doing? Do I have to remind any of you that this is Texas and it is 187° outside? With 132% humidity?

Hot Flashes 
What is the purpose of a hot flash? Why must we suffer these? Isn’t it enough that prom night was a disaster because of Mother Nature’s little present? Or a honeymoon? Let’s not forget the torture of blossoming bosoms. Oh, the taunts of 6th grade boys. Yeah, nice memories, that. And now, after all these years, Mother Nature turns on us, yet again, with not only menopause, which has it’s own wonderful set of side effects. She has also given us up to five years of pre-menopause, with all it’s mood swings and weight gain and the dreaded hot flash.

This is no lie. Last night I dreamed I was doing my homework with this really hot high school senior. This because I always dream I’m young and in high school again. At least this time I wasn’t walking the halls naked. Anyway, we’re sitting there working diligently on geometry (don’t get me started about why is there such a thing as geometry?) when he says, “Can you check the A/C in here? It’s getting hot”, only to awaken a moment later, suffering a case of night sweats. Which in laymen’s terms means hot flash at night! You know Mother Nature has it out for you when she starts messing with your dreams.

These are just a few of the things I don’t understand. There are many others, like teenagers, dogs, and scorpions (why??). I’m sure this is a topic that will come around again, as I try to figure stuff out.

What is something you don’t understand?

14 comments:

  1. I don't understand why they sell non-invisible antiperspirant. Who wants white rings in the armpits of all their shirts?

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  2. Oh those papertowel dispensers suck. How about the automatic soap dispensers that never register me waving my hands in front of them. Waving, waving, waving like a flippin' idiot and STILL no soap. Grrr...

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  3. I don't understand - why I have to initiate most of the conversations, texts actually, with my kids.

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  4. You couldn't PAY me enough money to go back to high school again. Frankly, hot flashes sound better.

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  5. Hot flashes. Every morning. 4:30 am. SCREAM!

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  6. My husband does that, too. Drives me INSANE.

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  7. I don't understand why the clothes for girls are semi-demure in "girls" sizes, but just one size up, in "juniors", they are expected to dress like a tramp.

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  8. Well, the paper towel dispensers - when I pull straight down, I end up with a 3" x 3" piece of paper towel in each hand - several times.

    I haven't run into the staying in the car thingy. It's Texas, it's hot, the only thing I'm stayin' in the car for is to put the shade in the front windshield and cracking the moon-roof - then I'm outa there.

    Hot flashes - I'm living through the second round of those. The first time she thought she was too young to be having them until the doctor said in the OR "Try not to to talk to any of the few friends you have left and stop by my office as soon as you have a chance" and he put her on hormones. Then after the breast cancer, he cut off her hormones, cold turkey. I go to snuggle her at night, and all of a sudden, it's like I'm snuggling a wood burning stove. I can't imagine what it's like inside her.

    I've learned to have a wide temperature tolerance in the house.

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  9. I don't understand why I can't just smite everyone that bugs me.

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  10. …you mean beyond just life?

    I don’t understand why I can’t get a good Roy Rogers movie on TV.

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  11. Mosquitos.

    And why the yummy stuff makes you fat. Unfair!

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  12. I like the paper towels now, less germy things to touch. I walk through a public bathroom with my hands up in the air like a surgeon, trying to touch as little as possible.

    I am the one taking all the time in the car doing IMPORTANT things, like glossing, putting on my shoes because I always wait till the last minute for that, fluffing up my hair and all the other super important things I need to do before exiting the car.

    And I don't understand why we women bear the brunt of everything. I didn't feed Adam the stinkin' apple, so why I am being punished. I also hate how I can diet all the time and my husband can cut out the sausage on his loaded pizza and bam, the pounds just slide off of him.

    It drives me insane.

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  13. I don't understand why mosquitos and poison ivy love my skin. Then I don't just get a normal itch, I get the super duper hyper itch that makes you want to cut your limb off.

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  14. I don't understand why when they designed bathroom stalls they put that little space between the door and the door frame?

    What I don't understand more is why, with all the other things they've changed like automatic paper towel dispensers, hands free faucets and soap dispensers, they've NEVER come up with a new stall? I mean, I enjoy seeing everyone who walks by perfectly clearly as much as they enjoy seeing me, but come on!

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