Tuesday, January 19, 2010

There really are no ugly cows. Well, except for one…

I have been collecting black and white cows for over 20 years. With every Mother’s Day, birthday and Christmas, more cows were added to the collection. Over the years I have had well over 200 hundred cows. Some are no longer with us (insert taps music here) due to breakage from throwing balls in the house old age, or just falling apart (also like old age, dammit). Sometimes a cow just doesn’t “go” anymore and has to be retired.

All of my cows are beautiful. Except for one. I have the honor of having the ugliest cow, ever. Having had probably just about every cow ever made in my collection at one time or another, I think it would be fair to say if anyone could be the judge of cow beauty, it would be me.

Here are a few examples of pretty cows:

IMG_3042 IMG_3044  IMG_3047 IMG_3053 IMG_3055 IMG_3056 IMG_3057 IMG_3060  IMG_3068b  IMG_3064IMG_3063 


Even the chewed-up dog toy cow is prettier than my ugly cow.





The ugly cow has a story, as do pretty much all of the cows in my house. The ugly cow comes from Venezuela. We were staying at a beachside resort when I saw a man making soapstone carvings. They were all very good, dolphins and suns and stuff like that. I asked him if he could make a cow for me. He stared at me blankly because I totally forgot he doesn’t speak English. So I asked in my, didn’t-bother-to-take-it-in-high-school Spanish, if he could make a vaca. Between my non-Spanish and his non-English, we managed an arrangement to meet the next morning and he would carve for me a beautiful vaca.

I hadn’t seen any cows on this Isle de Margarita, so I figured maybe he had to go look it up to see exactly what he was carving. And honestly, I’m wondering what book he looked in, because at first glance, I wasn’t sure this was a vaca.IMG_3070


It has a cow bell, so it must be a cow, right? But something seems wrong with its head.






It’s eyes have a distinct Asian flair.







Even with the language barrier, he was able to convey to me how proud he was of the udders. With all six nipples. It’s a cow, all right.






This cow used to have little dainty ears, but Phoebe chewed them off. So now this poor cow is ugly and has no ears. Poor thing.

But I keep it because I’m pretty sure I’m the only one in the world with an ugly Venezuelan, hand carved, six teated, Asian faced cow.

Ugly, schmugly, I love it.


  1. One woman's ugly is another woman's unique "check out my Venezualan cow" coolness.

    I've never been much of a collector so I'm always interested when people break out their collections. Cows, huh? I like it!

  2. Dang tootin you're the only one with such a rare cow! Lucky you :)

  3. Your cows definitely are cute. I'm not sure about that last one though.

    My 15 year-old "vegetarian" (and I put that in quotes, because she eats no vegetables, just carbs, and I'll bet that's just great for her health, the skinny little rail) were having a conversation the other day about hunting and deer. There was a deer in our yard, and I said I didn't understand how anyone could kill them, because they are so cute. And she said, yeah mom, but you don't mind people killing cows, and they're cute too. So Dawn, I like your cows...but I think real ones are ugly. Like pigs and chickens. That makes them ok to eat, right? :)

  4. Wow, that cow is... something. Yes! I believe I'll go with "something".

  5. Now you've done it. You're doomed to be together forever.

  6. At first I thought it was a hippo.... some things are so ugly they make you love them more!

  7. What a wonderful post. I have learnt so much from this blog.I like your blog.Thanks for the post.


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