Friday, October 30, 2009

A little something to chew on…

I love my dogs, I truly do. But there are some days when I want to send them to the moon. For two dogs who generate absolutely no income and really do nothing in the way of helping around the house (unless you call holding the pillows down on the couch helping) they sure do think they have the run of things around here.

They seem to think everything in this house is for their express enjoyment. The vacuum cleaner is something to bark at and chase. The recliner is for their TV watching pleasure, but only if the recliner has a person in it. The humans (that would be me) are for bringing out the food and throwing the wubba. Everything else is purely for entertainment or for chewing on. And the chewing on? That’s saved for only the valuable things, apparently.

You see, my dogs have Alpo tastes on a milk bone budget. They prefer the finer things to chew on. For instance, Zoe chewed the corner off (off!) of a brand new wooden coffee table when she was little. She went under the table and chewed up the shoe of a friend who had kicked them off while we were talking – at the table! I would blame this on puppyhood, but that is really not the case, as she is 3 years old now and recently chewed up the last half of a book I was only halfway done reading.

Don’t think for a minute that Phoebe is innocent of any wrongdoing, for I feel sure she’s the one who knocked the book off the coffee table. She once made toothpicks out of a Longaberger basket. She has made her mark on various photo albums that made the mistake of residing on the bottom shelf of the bookcase. Don’t even get me started on why all my silk plants have chewed up pots with dish soap squirted all over them. Then there was the day the two of them figured out how to open the step lid trash can and proceed to shred everything they found in there.

It was yesterday that I realized how posh Phoebe’s tastes have become, when she bypassed several perfectly cheap pairs of flip flops to get to the heel of a very expensive (and my personal favorite) pair of MBT walking shoes.

I’m thinking she must be a Mexican bulldog or something because she certainly doesn’t seem to understand English. As I went all Achmed the terrorist on her, she just looked at me like “No habla, senora, but thees muy bueno”.




I may have to bring back Threatening Thursdays.


  1. See? Yet another good reason for us to not have dogs. Hamsters are JUST fine. They (mostly) stay in their cages and they (mostly) don't bite. Of course, we are the bane of their existence, so cuddling is out, but still. Easier than dogs.

  2. I love it. Why do we have these kids and kid-like creatures to destroy our possessions, take up our time, and worry about anyhow?

    Oh right, it's because we all need unconditional love from time to time. You have to admit, it's worth it!

  3. Before me and the Little Woman got hitched, my house was totally sterile. White everything. Every edge, every corner, exactly where it should be. It took me a minute and one-half to clean because it was easy to clean as I went. When the pot hit simmer, not one dirty dish on the counter or in the sink. Some said I was OCD. It just didn’t take any time to keep up. THEN we got two cats. AH.MY.GOODNESS! THEN we added a dog to this confusion. It’s paint the bridge with these animals. As soon as we get to the end we have to go back the beginning. I hear, “When are we getting new furniture and carpeting in the living room?” To which I respond, “That’s a rhetorical question, right,” as I look at a freshly hurled pile of cat puke on the carpet. I’ve had a cover on my couch so long I couldn’t actually tell you what color it really is underneath. I think its plum. Gnaa, that can’t be it.


  4. Ah yes, dogs. They sure do know how to pick the absolute WORST thing to chew on. The first day I had Lona she at a library book, removed wallpaper from a wall and ate the corner of my nightstand. Luckily for her she's stayed away from my shoes, otherwise she'd be right next to Zoe with a "Buy Two, Get one Free" sign on her neck.

  5. I saw a sign the other day "Unattended children will be given a free kitten." Maybe you could offer up a puppy?

  6. I've got a CAT that you can put on the side of the road with them!!!!! I'm almost done with him. I thought yesterday, when this CAT dies (or I kill it! jk) I will NEVER, hear me, NEVER have anything else to feed and clean up after, except a few more GRAND~kids! Sorry for you wo's :{

  7. The book would have been my breaking point! No touchy the books. Especially the ones I'm currently reading.


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